do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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