Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
