so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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