you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize