Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
