The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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