So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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