when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
