I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
