so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
