maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
