Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dear god my vagina.
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