i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize