I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
