Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
