Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
