i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
