i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
