I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
