First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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