Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
