Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
