It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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