perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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