Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
