It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
