yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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