Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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