Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
