Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was CRYING into my vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
