I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
