i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
