I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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