he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
