I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
