why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
