She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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