Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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