i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
