dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
