would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
