Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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