I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We were destined to go to rehab together
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
