I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
