one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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