You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
