Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize