Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
