I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it because I queefed?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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