The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am in a vortex of obligation.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
