I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize