you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
