I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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