i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
