Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
