My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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