Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
