I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
