yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
