hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
