I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
