Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
