I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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