Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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