The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
