you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
