Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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