fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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