My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
