Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Ketchup is God's man juice

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.

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(269): View more from Michigan

So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

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(415): View more from California

Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?

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(619): View more from California

you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

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(312): View more from Illinois

She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere

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(813): View more from Florida

Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill

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