Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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