twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
