Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
