you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
