Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
