fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
