somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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