mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
